AQUA CART

Forget that line about a picture being worth a thousand words. This is truly a sad story.

That dry golf cart you see above was a prized possesion. Not a scratch in over 5000 miles. So unique that fellow golfers could spot me from 200 yards. I just loved the attention. They stopped making this baby in 1990, and like the Edsel, it was way ahead of its time. Notice the sleek lines. The front panel lifts up to reveal a trunk. And it's the only cart in Pinehurst with Rack and Pinion Steering and McPherson Struts--whatever that means.

Over the years I have added some personal touches. Like the bucket seats--found those on Ebay. And the symbolic Pinehurst black Fox Squirrel on the roof. Is that class or what! The Saint Christopher medal no longer hangs from the rear view mirror. That went the day I ran the cart into a tree while in a spiritual trance.

So I parked this beauty on a hill one day while I was putting on a nearby green. I heard the brakes release on the cart. And I watched in horror as it rolled about fifty yards down the hill into the lake. I still break out in a cold sweat when I think about it.

Anyway, with complete disregard for my own life, I charged down the hill and leaped into the lake to retrieve my clubs. I went back a second time for the squirrel. A Pinehurst ranger drove me home, snickering all the way.

The next morning they pulled the cart out with a tractor and towed it back to the house. It was an unbelievable mess. Mud everywhere, the brakes were gone, rear bumper destroyed..

Now, this is the sad part. It just floors me how some people will respond to anothers grief. It started when a complete stranger said to me "is that Aqua Cart?". Most of my ex friends thought it was hysterical. I got tons of email. The final blow came when a ranger and five of his buddies, with great ceremony, presented me with a block of wood--to place behind the tire when on a hill. Isn't that sick?

That cart died a few weeks later and now rests in a corner of my garage. Fortunately, I found another one just like it--on Ebay of all places. And, at the suggestion of fifty seven of my dearest friends, there are no bucket seats and no squirrel. "Tacky" was a word I heard a lot.

So I think I've found closure and life goes on. There are still a few jerks out there who love to remind me of that painful experience. I know it's coming as they approach my new cart. Same stupid question every time. So I put a little sign on the hood. "No, it is NOT waterproof!!"